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A Comprehensive Spoiler Free FAQ/Walkthrough for Oregon Trail by BL00dCyPheR99
NOTE: This FAQ is no longer being updated. Please do not email me with mistakes
I've made, different neighborhoods to move to or travel tips. This guide is FINAL. 
Thanks to bRAT_sPnKr2001 for tips on second run theaters. 

T A B L E  O F  C O N T E N T S...
Use CTRL+F to Quickly Navigate
I.) Introduction (INTROD)
2.) Copy Protection (COPPRO)
3.) Character Creation (CHORQE)
4.) Job System (JBRNIE)
5.) Spoiler Free Walkthrough (OILERS)
6.) Items (ITEMSS)
7.) Cheats and Secrets (CATSEX)
8.) Conclusion (CLUUUS)

From the instruction manual...

There exists in this world a single place for every people[sic]. A perfect place 
where each belongs. A foggy memory. An orphaned child. A sleepy wizard. Could you
have the hands of destiny? 

Oregon Trail: Odyssey to the West is a 1-2 player game that I first experienced 
in 2008. I didn't have much experience with the series, other than playing a demo,
and spent most of my time previous to this playing ILLINOIS: Rural Thunder. 
Oregon Trail is as challenging as it is popular, as enigmatic as it is wet.

Since people have been playing Oregon Trail since the 17th century, it has a 
rather archaic copy protection scheme. When you first boot it up, a cartoon wizard
(I think his name is Bregarius) will ask you for a number. To find the number, 
follow these steps:

1) Log into Facebook
2) Find that selfie your cousin took where she's licking her own elbow. You know,
   the one with the caption "I can lick my own elbow."
3) How many scuzzy mouth breathing perverts have liked this? Enter this number in 
   the box to prove you have a legitimate copy of the game.
4) (Optional) Ignoring the fact that it's your cousin, try to figure out how 
   people are even getting aroused.

When creating a character, it's important to design a character who is as close to
what you want to be as possible. This is your chance to start over/lose everything
in the name of desperate adventure so make it count! Here's the character I chose 
with explanations in parentheses: 

NAME:      Gary  (Seemed Natural)
LVL:       28    (Actually has a lot of bearing on your success. In retrospect, 
                  it was a mistake to ever get this old)
Strength:  3/10  (Didn't think this would be important. Composite of both physical
                  and emotional strength)
Tallness:  6/10  (Fairly important in Oregon. Shelves are higher, beds are longer,
                  some girls like it)
Fingers:   10/10 (Again, pretty important. Use these to type on keyboards)
Talking:   7/10  (Apologizing, job interviews, telling your mother that things
                  are fine)
Vision:    10/20 (Useful but drivers generally stop and you only need 8 or so 
                  to read)

Bearded (Though Oregon Trail is warmer than ILLINOIS: Rural Thunder in the winter,
it's cooler the rest of the year. This offers decent protection and requires one
less action point during your morning phase. 

Retirement Savings (This perk costs 20 Build Points so you know it's gotta be 
good! This will keep you afloat financially for a year or so without a job. The
flipside is that it you're seriously risking your future if things don't work 
out. In fact, you're still worrying about this, right now, in the present as 
you live paycheck to paycheck without any sort of solid financial plan).

New Wife (A big reason to play the game! Doomed newlyweds searching for a 
new start!)

A Clowder of Cats (Various types, all monochrome. This will ultimately end
up costing a lot in resource points [RP] but if you don't bring them, you 
won't be able to make sense of the world). 

At first this seems intimidating and much more complicated than the job system
in ILLINOIS: RURAL THUNDER or KENTUCKY: TOKYO BLITZ but in fact, it's actually 
simpler. A good guideline to remember is this: 10 Times the Opportunity, 
100 Times As Many People Seeking It. Unless you've chosen the Future MBA perk 
you're unlikely to find meaningful employment any time soon. That's OK! There
are two humiliating options available to you. And luckily, because you have 
savings, you get a couple of months to spend in the tutorial zone to read 
comics, gain XP and fight with your wife. 

* Temporary Customer Service Representative: All of your work experience is in 
customer service. Why? Do you like people that much? Take a moment before 
choosing this option to try to remember if you ever did.

* Temporary Retail Clerk: The most difficult Job but on the plus side, it's also
the least rewarding. At one point, your boss will tell you to shave in the 
bathroom and when you hesitate, he'll offer to buy you a razor. What an asshole,

This job features a daily minigame. Here are the controls:

D Pad:  Move Around. Do this the whole time. Do this even when you're 
        standing still.
A:      Nod.
B:      Stare.
Y:      Sigh.
X:      "Huh."
Start:  Pause. The timer stops when  you do this, however.
Select: Pretend you have to shit so you can sit down for a few moments.
        Tap B to stare while doing this. 

It doesn't really matter which one you choose. Just choose the one you hate 
the least.

1) Move all your stuff into a ten foot Budget Rent a Truck with your clowder of
cats. Loading the truck is a little like Tetris. Your wife will drive because 
you're terrified of having that much power. Whenever you're ine the driver's 
seat, you worry about suddenly jacking the wheel to the left just to see what 
happens. Keep all the cats on your lap and listen to them mewl for three days. 
Think: if these cats were people it'd be the equivalent of screaming for 72 hours.

2) Move anywhere with a Portland zip code, no matter how far away it is from hot 
eats, cool treats or Dairy Queen Restaurant and Creameries. Choose an apartment
in the distant suburbs. Here you'll find a slug in your kitchen and think it's a
cat turd. It's not but you'll deal with it in a very similar way. 

3) One of your cats will get urinary crystals. Notice that he's not moving much. 
Tap X to make a veterinary appointment for Monday morning. Sleep on the living 
room floor next to him Sunday night. Search his eyes and think: Does he understand
what's happening to him? Does he think I've failed him? Here's a fun mini game 
you get to play until you fall asleep. It's called "What's the Biggest Vet Bill 
Can I Afford to Pay?"

4) Go to a product information meeting at your Temp job. Compulsively write the
word "work" on every surface you can. Follow the button prompts to contemplate 
the cultural cost of underemployment. 

5) It's time for the final boss! If you've been following the guide, you should
have no problem defeating the homeless man who keeps asking you about 9/11 while 
you're waiting for the bus. The secret? Headphones!

The game suddenly ends here which, to my mind, is blatant sequel baiting. The 
ending credits is a listing of every person who has brought you here and every 
decision you've made. You should get used to it because you're going to watch 
them every night before you fall asleep.

Key of Sitherious:                         Unlocks bathroom in the Frostkrag 
                                           Starbucks. Easy place to cry or stare.
Textured Vegetable Protein of Gorgol:      Use this to make rations last 30% longer.
Leftover Vicodin of The Nine Red Crystals: Cures status effects Feeling and Being
                                           Awake. Does not cure Broke Status.
The Masamoog:                              Legendary keyboard that makes you feel
                                           like you're skateboarding down a hill 
                                           with a lit stick of dynamite in each 
                                           hand but costs a lot of Resource Points.


* If you go for the store clerk job, try to collect all of the Recliner Tokens 
during the Arbor Day Sitabration Door Buster Event! If you get them all, you'll
get your picture on the wall in the break room which is the saddest thing you 
will ever achieve. 

* Head to the local board game store and press A on the loose brick to unlock a
secret cinematic cutscene! This is a flashback to when your mother left you alone
for the night in her friend's ranch style home with no TV and no books and no toys
and seriously, no TV. You spend the night looking for stuff to do, eat no less 
than six Drumstick ice cream novelties in the basement and end up, no joke, 
playing Stratego by yourself. Think about that for a second. 

* If you're having a hard time with this game, enter this cheat code at the 
title screen to enable easy mode: Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down, Down. This
involves drinking alone often and ignoring the myriad flotsam of your past. This
does, however, ensure you get the bad ending.

* If you're up for a challenge, right after the marriage phase, enter the 
following cheat code: ABABY. 

I hope this guide helps you "win" this underrated classic, though I'm not entirely
sure what winning looks like. If you're anything like me, after "beating" this
game, you'll spend years wondering if it was the right game to play. You'll think:
I'm trying so hard. You'll think: Why is it so difficult to feel the same thing
day to day? Some days, the weather is nice and the city feels like it's full of
infinite possibility. Other days, you know that no matter where you move, you're
still there and you're still you and prone to all the same nonsense. 

In fact, play whatever you want. See if I care. I have to go lie down. 

Questions? Email me, BL00dCyPheR99, at