The Yearbook Office
Writings on staying alive
 

This post has been a paid advertisement by Patron Silver, voted the #1 New Year's Eve beverage by ¡Tequila Tequila!, a Patron Tequila publication.

It's party time! New Year's Eve only comes once a year, but what do you wear? We've got styles for every type of party you could go to, so hit the shops and start shopping!

So You're Going To...

  • Fancy Dinner and Toast at Midnight: A swanky evening calls for a swanky style! Raise your champagne flute and toast to the new year in shiny gold or shimmering glitter. A fancy dress in gold or made of glitter is tried and true. For those looking to mix it up, try a tuxedo jacket with tailored pants and heels, with lots of gold and glitter accents. After all, it's New Year's!

  • Party at the Club: Calling all bottle service tables! Woo woo! It's time to really live it up. Tear up the dance floor in the shortest, tightest golden dress you can find. Better yet, amp up the “wow” factor with some glitter! That's right, it's all sparkles and sequins. It's a big look, but go for it! Want to really “double” the wow “factor”? Go with a sequined dress in gold! It's New Year's!! And by the way, about that bottle service — maybe try ordering a Patron Silver for the table? Champagne is so last year.

  • Times Square: Okay, so maybe your Times Square isn't as big a deal as actual Times Square in New York City, but your version of the Big Apple deserves just as much attention! Remember, you'll be outside most of the evening, so you'll want to stay warm in the chilly weather. However, if you're wearing something big – like, say, a gold cocktail dress – leave that coat at home! This is your night to shine, freezing temperatures be damned! The same applies to anything with sequins or glitter. And don't worry about your feet – wear those stilettos proudly!

  • House Party: Whether it's a low-key hang or an all-night rager, you don't want to be too dressed. Either choose glitter or gold. For example, try a gold sweater, but balance the rest with non-gold colors. Or you can wear glitter pants, but not a glitter top as well. That's just too much glitter! Der!

  • Hanging at Home: Planning on snuggling up with your bae? (In case you haven't heard, “bae” is the new thing to call your sweetheart. It's short for “baby” and was recently appropriated from black culture to make us sound cool again!) You can still get sexy even at home! Try lounging around in your best golden, glittery cocktail dress! Better yet, don't stay in, even if you're an introvert who completely shuts down at large social gatherings. It's. New Year’s. Derrr!

  • Stuck at the Airport: Flying on New Year's Eve does not mean you're not celebrating. Make those TSA agents turn heads when you breeze past in your tallest stilettos and tiny, shiny, glittering gold dress! A little black dress is also okay, but kind of boring. Also, don't forget to check out the duty free shops for a bottle of Patron Silver!

Even after you've got your dress picked out, it's the jewelry that will really make or break your big evening out. You want to make a statement! This is the time to GO BIG or GO HOME ALONE!

Tips for Accessorizing:

  • Wear a statement necklace. Whether it's a sweetheart neckline or strapless dress, a bold statement necklace brings attention where you want it – the boobies!

  • Wear a pair of statement earrings. No matter what style of dress you pick, you can't go wrong with a pair of bold statement earrings. They're perfect for bringing attention to your face – and boobies!

  • Wear a statement cuff or bracelet. Think big, bold, and statement! This is especially great for halter dresses and anything where you thought you weren't too old to wear it, even if you are.

  • Wear a statement belt. Hey, belts can be jewelry, too! A metal or jeweled waist belt breaks up the really boring dress you picked up (obvi didn't listen to us about glitter or gold) and shows off that you have a waist, like all female specimens.

  • Wear a statement. Pick your favorite political slogan of the past year and pin it to your back. It's a surefire way to get a cute guy to notice you! And they'll probably also notice your boobies.

Holiday Problems!!

The holidays are a stressful and busy time, and if either of those is stopping you from having the best night of your life, don't let them! You deserve to go out and party all night long, however you want. That said, if one of these happens to you over the holiday season, suspend all New Year's Eve plans and sit at home alone, thinking about what you did to ruin this yearly event:

  • Ate too much at every holiday party and gained 10 pounds
  • Ran out of time to buy a new dress, especially one that's gold or glitter
  • Tried using leftover wrapping paper to make a dress
  • Cannot find a piece of jewelry that makes enough of a statement
  • Missed flight back home because you were too busy stressing over this one holiday
  • Forgot to feed cat
  • Lost job
  • Had an existential crisis over the meaning of life
  • Gave money to a Ponzi scheme
  • Became a feminist
  • Did not drink enough Patron Silver, the world's finest tequila, available everywhere

New Year's Day

If you bothered to follow our tips for how to dress, you'll know that you've had the best time of your life, ever!! That means you'll be out well past midnight, reveling in Baby New Year.

The streets are always blocked with traffic on New Year's Eve, so if possible, just walk to and from your party destination. It doesn't matter if the sidewalk is covered in black ice, because the chances of your stiletto snapping while you're drunk and breaking your ankle is completely absurd.

For those of you that absolutely need to use a car because of the weather or whatever, remember: don't drive at all, idiot!! Get home safe with a driving service mobile app. Trust us, it'll be super cheap, because all the boring people will be at home – unlike you, because you are going to shine, girlfriend! Now, raise a glass and toast to the fabulous, glittering, gold-covered, Patron Silver-drinking YOU!!!